my husband is best friends with his ex

To me, it sounds like your husband has lost sight of, or may not have ever known, what it entails to be a partner in a marriage. Read more: Why Would a Long-Term Couple Like Bill and Melinda Gates Get Divorced? Kevin Costner's estranged wife Christine Baumgartner has been snapped vacationing in Hawaii with one of the actor's friends, TMZ reported. Trust your intuition - you thought something was off, and it obviously is. I am a loyal person and honestly cant recall a time when I flirted with the opposite sex for the last 20 years. My husband's best friend lives with us. Can I kick him out? - USA TODAY I can safely say my husband is my best friend because I talk a lot and he loves to listen," says Monica. If I were single and looking for a mate again, it is a possible pitfall I could run into, and when I say I, I mean all of us, young, old, single, women, men, etc. "If your partner has children with the ex, then being friendly and cordial, not necessarily BFF, will just make day-to-day living easier for everyone involved, especially the kids," relationship coach and psychic medium Cindi Sansone-Braff, author of Why Good People Can't Leave Bad Relationships , tells Bustle. Every year, when I dance in Sydney's Mardi Gras parade with my ex-husband, his new husband, and 160 people in the LGBTQ social group I cofounded, I always think back to the 29-year-old woman who realized she married a gay man.. Amid my initial anguish and even anger, I couldn't have imagined that two decades later, my then-husband's coming out would save both of us and help us find our purposes. I won't let my sister-in-law and her four kids stay with us for a few days. I wouldnt go down the path of leaving thinking youll be together, because the root of your issues were never addressed. That being said, if you evaluate that relationship between your partner and their ex and determine that there are still lingering feelings of romantic love, beware. I would agree that it is not normal, and I think that's kind of sad. Always in a group, never alone. Take care and don't worry. I don't care if he needs to vent, he could speak to his mum, male friend or a councillor, I definitely think that speaking with other "girls" about marriage problems is a big no no and is just tempting yourself for infidelity. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. Find More Posts by wishing2remainanonymous. I think this was due to the fact that he wanted to remain friends with her because of all their mutual ties together with their son and grandchildren (which is understandable, to an extent). I have a male friend whom i often talk things through and he helps me figure out if what i feel is irrational or justified and sometimes getting it out to someone outside is enough to really make the fristration go away or otherwise help me find out if it comes from other things rather than how he puts the roll of toilet paper on the wrong way or something else equally silly. Now hes torturing someone new. Thats a sign of maturity. The common denominator that I see in these strong relationships is that spouses prioritize, supportand ensure each others needs are being met before others (ex: family, friends, etc.). Think of. So I read back pretty far. I am a psychopath. I just want to say that women have a lot of influence on their men. "But if your partner shares kids with a crazy ex, you need to keep in touch and keep watch on things," she says. I spoke with nine amazing relationship experts about just what to do in such a situation, and the good news is that there isnt a hard and fast answer, so if youre living in a weird gray zone, that may be OK, depending on what it looks like for you. If his best friend was male would you be feeling these emotions? Ive dated someone seriously since our split and there was no animosity by either party. Now on the video call from the hospital, he shows me his lunch, cooling on the tray over his bed: baked potato and coleslaw, some kind of wobbly pudding. A few months after we got married he left his Facebook up and a message popped up from her. Whats He Not Telling You? "If your partner loves doing . Read more: Pets Are Part of Our Families. It looks like a joke scar, something drawn on for Halloween, running for eight inches down the center of his chest. Keeping an arm's length and minimum sharing of your relationship's ups and downs will make it harder for the exes to cause trouble, she says. We talk about how long it will be, given the pandemic and Paul having to self-isolate, until he can see either of them in real life. Talk to your husband so he stops bringing his friend over to distract you. I don't know what to do. You. Dont let your imagination get the best of you. "So, put your best foot forward in this case and make a real effort to keep the peace. They talk all cute with eachother handsome beautiful how shes so far out of his leage and how shes just so far away.. Then I findout he met up with her when he went back to his hometown. One day, when our children were 9 and 10, Paul told me he was in love with one of our employees and that she was his best friend now. Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). Discuss any aspect of my intimate life with him; Go into detail or reminisce about our relationship together; Discuss any problems or issues in my current relationship with him; Give him advice on any of his relationships etc; Basically, you have to be totally over it, and so does he, in order to actually be friends. Whatever you and your husband's plans are kids, fur babies, traveling, remodeling, etc. Its nice to meet brave people like you online. This is a somewhat tricky question, but probably not as tricky as you might think, dating expert Noah Van Hochman tells Bustle. This "best friend" could want you as well. Is He Still In Love With His Ex? 8 Signs He Is NOT Over Her - Change Him I'd get jealous of my husband going camping alone with his best friend/exgirlfriend/ex lover? If you have kids then you should be focusing on your children and your marriage. His friend is so nice to me too, much nicer than my husband. Should you be friends with your partners exes? His girlfriend lives at her parent's house with her three-year-old daughter, whom she had with her ex-husband. 'Great sex' can happen if you have these three things: experts Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. I want to know where you stand on the whole "staying friends with your ex" thing. Paul wouldnt give up this new best friend, the woman he said he loved. When we were divorced almost 30 years ago. He has bought a house with his worker and has given her a company car. If the friend really cared about the marriage, he could have coached the husband to give her the special gift instead of doing it himself. Its a couple of days after his open-heart surgery and he still sounds woozy, like hes slightly drunk. I didnt mention that I think part of the reason that my old boyfriend is having such a hard time cutting ties with his ex is because she is always having long conversations with him at work about their past lives together. The 25 Defining Works of the Black Renaissance, 2023 TIME USA, LLC. Years ago he was actually my first real boyfriend in High School, but we didnt stay together because he enlisted in the Army and we lost touch when he was stationed in Germany. My husband and I have seen each other through plenty of ups and downs. "What depends is the reason for the relationship," she says. You may be right although I really believe he would never act on any feelings towards me either, if he even has any. Theyre downright chummy, and it kind of weirds you out. You might want to join our private forum where we have coaches to address personal questions like this one. Heres What Marriage Therapists Say, Pets Are Part of Our Families. If you. But I spent a lot of time on my marriage first, then years being single and really figuring out myself, I never thought Id wind up with the friend, its still insane to look at the big picture. A best friend is compassionate and supportive. Honestly, in my mind I dont even understand the need to talk to her about anything because she left him. Answer (1 of 30): I'm sure they have a lot of history together, and it can be hard to walk away from a relationship, even if you're not romantically involved. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot, he is giving you attention you want, and dealing with finance issues on top of it. Despite the scar and his woozy voice, Im delighted to hear him and to see that hes doing O.K., even though Ive been kept updated via group texts sent by his wife, and by the children he and I had together. I started following you, despite how I feel about the advertising, because I felt I needed to understand my relationship better. It is important for me that I understand whether or not I should continue on the path Im on. Often we all get into debates and I almost always side with his friend, and even if we rarely dont agree, we are able to discuss it amicably whereas my husband will make me feel stupid and get aggravated with me. He complains about it the man who cooked me fish sticks and mashed potatoes when I first went to his apartment. Check out Dave Ramsey for getting your finances under control. Be careful here.you HAVE to keep in mind. How do you set boundaries when your husband wants to be best friends with his ex? 1. Of course you would, because if those people are important to your partner in some way they should be important to you. Does your husband need some work, i'm sure he does but you need some work too. It was all pretty crazy even to watch from the sidelines. All seems well until. So I dont think his best friend is putting on an act or anything. Romance, psychotherapist and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working it out Together, tells Bustle. You might just spend some time contemplating what you want rather than what seems normal according to societys standards. However, you need to look at the bigger picture. When he came back home he knocked on my door hoping to pick up where we left off, but I was already in a serious relationship. Things were looking great. Is it okay that he still pals around with a former girlfriend? Recently I moved to the country/ town where my boyfriend lives, after a few months of long-distance relationship with visits intermittent. (This is one of those times when I wish English had a different word for the plural "you"). Any help is appreciated. Not a knock at her but I dont trust him. Learn to Hear What Isnt Being Said in Your Relations. Finally, be sure "your intentions are pure, [and] the friendship doesn't exist solely for snooping or gathering extra info about your partner," she says. This is serious however to me it wouldnt be good to take the ex as an enemy but standards should be set and limits put across not to go beyond the set standards more so if you have already moved on with someone else,respect the new person you have and put a limit with your ex otherwise you will end up making funny mistakes like cheating in trying to be good. Currently Active Members Viewing This Thread: 1. We have been divorced now for longer than we were married. It sounds like youve got a bit of fantasy built up around this man because your relationships currently lacking in some way or another. Is it a guarantee your guy is thinking along those lines? "If your partner is able to be friends with exes, thats a good thing," she reminds. Now Theyre Part of Our Divorces, Too, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information, How My Ex-Husband Became One of My Best Friends. Does your husband know how frustrated you are about the spending etc? Love capsule: My husband's best friend is actually his ex! Or if I should continue seeing him until the old boyfriend actually follows through and moves me with him so we can start our lives. Your ex is seen as a possible "backup" if the current relationship fails. THAT IS NOT HIS PLACE!!!! Two months. It hits you with something so unexpected that you can feel the whole world spinning out of control, especially when you're used to being in control. You should try to understand their importance to your partner and be friends, or at least friendly, he says. I would also recommend couples therapy, as it may be able to help analyze patterns that lead to conflict, improve communicationand establish more accountability. I would talk to your husband about your wants/needs and hopefully things change. Thats a complicated personal question that would be poorly addressed in a blog comment. What to Do If Your Partner Is Friends with an Ex - Abby Medcalf Please specify a reason for deleting this reply from the community. I haven't said anything to him yet, but I am very upset. How to Handle a Partner Staying Friends with Exes: 12 Steps - wikiHow Staff came and went. You cannot fathom how your partner could possibly be over . He once told me that he was surprised when he got past the age of 25 supposedly, he said, the average life expectancy of a caveman. Then he met and married his current ex wife. Like an idiot Im still here and all we do is fight. I wouldnt interpret it this harsh, ladies. I felt very embarrassed for her. She even told him that she thought it would be cool to live next door to each other. Its almost like I love him like a brother now. I've been with my husband for six years, married for five with two young children. The determining factor is all about your motivations to be pals with this ex. I don't want to make a big deal out of nothing. Dont teach your man to be angry and possessive, if dont want those qualities to later show up in his dealings with you too. 1. : I also help men maximise their potential, build their confidence and find a woman who values them \r\r\rFOLLOW ME ||\rFacebook : https://www.facebook.com/reneeslanskyfanpage/ \rTwitter : https://twitter.com/ReneeSlansky \rInstagram : https://www.instagram.com/reneeslansky/ \rPinterest : https://www.pinterest.com.au/askReneeSlansky/ \r\rAbout Renee Slansky || About This Channel\r\rRenee Slansky TV is a spin-off of The Dating Directory- the number one dating and relationship blog in Australia. What these researchers discovered was kind of alarming.[i]. The answer is: it's your issue, plural. Things had been great between us. Your husband is currently not doing this, and Ill ask you the question: Has he ever? And when I say anxiety I mean like every time I see him get a text etc I just assume it's from her. If this wasn't the case, he wouldn't be doing things for you such as buying you birthday gifts. Why Convincing Your Ex Never Works (and what does), Is He a Giver or a Taker? Say What You Feel. Why it works. This was my job, my company, my home, my husband, my children. Heres What Marriage Therapists Say. 19 May 2016. My husband remembers very little about me and I would never expect something thoughtful from him. Pregnant women 26-35 expecting for the first time, think twice before sharing personal details, foster a friendly and supportive environment, remove fake accounts, spam and misinformation, delete posts that violate our community guidelines, reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. The quick answer? After a month of no phone calls or face to face visits, I gave up and started dating. So, how do you know if your partner still isn't over their ex? from someone different. When we went out, we were either holding the handles of a stroller or our childrens hands; we no longer held each others. Required fields are marked *. Once Paul and I got home and the children were in bed, we barely laughed but we still talked, about work, about the kids. We know how to show each other love and support. Birthdays, Christmas, graduations, weddings, births of grandkids etc were so much easier on everyone involved. My old boyfriend that wants me back and loves me is starting to act jealous of the new boyfriend that wants to remain friends. 13 Reasons Why My Husband Is My Best Friend - Bonobology.com Im not out to manipulate the opposite sex. What do I do? Sometimes when my husband and I have issues my ex crosses my mind that oh he would have never said or done that to me and unintentionally I could end up comparing them which ofcourse doesnt mean I ever want to approach my ex in any manner . There are some exes that have been there for your partner for a long time and just because their relationship ended doesnt mean all their feelings have as well, he says. Then what? I agree with the above- trying to stop him being friends with her will cause more trouble than good, I've been in that situation and it ended with him still seeing her but lying to me, it ultimately became an awful relationship with so much jealousy and absolutely no trust, it broke the relationship completely! I kind of get the feeling sometimes that he would like to have me back but Im not sure. A resource for what? I could no longer live like that. I am sorry you feel this way. That means not even my husband. Perhaps if/when you run out of ideas, it wouldnt hurt to give some insight on the topic. Its terrible sad to even be around just buying a house, cant imagine living it. no, i wouldnt. A Group Leader is a What to Expect community member who has been selected by our staff to help maintain a positive, supportive tone within a group. I think this is slightly misleading the article in Elle does not accurately reflect the study. It sounds like this is taking a negative toll on your relationship, and if your husband isnt motivated by that, you may need to come to a decision on how you want to proceed on your own. But do you think the reason you feel that way is just because youre overall unhappy with your husband and the best friend is right there and filling something your husband isnt? We have actually been to couples counseling once already, things changed for a short time then reverted back to the same. Some of it alarms me, but most of it keeps me on edge. I dont think the best friend is even that great or important you could easily have fixated on some movie star in a similar fashion. After they split up we started seeing each other for almost a year when he started showing signs of not being over his ex. The relationship we had didnt feel the way I thought it should feel because I didnt feel like I was the important one. Ok, yall feel like my friends and I need some advice on this subject.My husband and I have not been very intimate after having our baby a year ago. First, talk to him. I'm just so insecure about her. Be polite and perhaps even feign being friendly for the sake of your partner and for yourself. Our eldest is sometimes hard to pin down and know what hes feeling, while our youngest wears their heart on their sleeve. We picked up where we left off and tried to work things out. The ex may use their shared history to compete with you, or to cause you problems in your relationship. If you keep your distance, youll ultimately be happier. Life is much happier and satisfying when it is about forgiveness, friendship, kindness, and not harbouring negative feelings. You are not terrible person actually in my eyes its very normal to be attracted to person who respects you and understands you . Leave if you have any self-respect. My husband is always feeding his need for attention and giving him anything he asks for. I am sorry for what is sure to be a long and rambling post and I dont know if Im looking for advice or just sympathyMy husband and I have been together for 5 years. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); AttractionDatingCommitmentHeartacheHealingGet Your Ex Back, Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). I moved and didnt speak to our friend for over 3 years, my ex still spoke to him randomly, the friend sent me an email saying he had always thought about me and missed our friendship and we started talking, over 5 years later we are happily married with a baby, and oddly enough good friends with my ex, his wife and their children. Its just very sad, and hard. My ex-husband and I are at many, many family events together since we share four children and eight grandchildren. 2. If they share a circle of friends, have kids, or work at the same place, for example. " Conversation is most important for me. I am friends with my ex, weve known each other for two decades now, out of which we spent more than a decade together. He is actually very opinionated (like my husband), but in a respectful manner (unlike my husband). If Your Boyfriend Is Friends With An Ex, It Could Jeopardize Your "It means that nothing happened between them that they couldnt forgive each other for," and in the long run, that is super important. You fear your partner's ex is plotting to get back together (and will succeed). Unemployed husband won't take his job search seriously, has me paying his loans. [i] Rense, Sarah. And that he didnt really even like me bc of my humanity. If its any consolation, Deborah, research does seem to support the notion that as we grow older, the friendship and partnership aspect of our relationship becomes more important to us relative to feelings of passion. I have no desire to laugh and joke around or chit-chat with him about work, life or anything else. We have only been intimate one time because I tend to take that part of relationships very slow. Why Does My Ex-Husband Want To Be Friends? - Midlife Divorce Recovery I hope your efforts to breathe new life into your relationship creates a self-reinforcing cycle of joy for you and your partner. "It's not like I'm going to hang out with him, it's easier to be a friend than an enemy," I protested, knowing that I was picking a fight I wouldn't win. My husband is best friends with his ex! My Boyfriend Is "Best Friends" With His Ex & I Hate How - Bustle To put it simply, your partner's ex should not be their workout partner, movie buddy, or the person they go to sporting events with. In reality Im not doing anything that he hasnt done our entire relationship by being such good friends with his ex wife. Six months after we split up, I was sitting with Paul in the garden of the apartment he had rented, drinking tea. If, on the other hand, he refuses to take your feelings into account, run. Just remember, once you make that bed, you have to lye in it and the bed might not be as comfy as you thought. And the findings reported here are really only one small portion of what what the researchers noticed. \rFollow me : @reneeslansky \r\r\r\rP.S. The moment you feel the need to read each others messages etc. Is she a threat to our marriage ?! I know its unhealthy to compare them like this but I cant help it and I often wish I had met his best friend first. He might just be your mind looking for a way out of all these stressers but would only add stress. Maybe now at my age, (57), companionship is more my thing or either I want romance and passion etc. We moved out of the apartment and into a house, and I made a garden. Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Is this relationship worth saving? Im with you on this one, Ali. I'm sorry, what? He's an asshole.". Youre not terrible but it is inappropriate to be married and have those feelings for someone else especially someone so close to your husband. Hunter Biden would dial in his father, then-Vice President Joe Biden, on speakerphone into meetings with his overseas business partners, according to testimony expected before Congress this week . Im not one to judge someones mental issues, but Ive known him for years now, and I feel like most of what he does is for attention. A sex offender freed in Zimbabwe's amnesty gains social media fame. His Tom Nash Donna had already separated from her husband Dan some months before, but I was still married and living with Nunziatina. 1. Just maintain your stance. He is still very good friends with this girl. If your partner and his [or her] ex do not have children, it's best not to become friendly with their exes, relationship coach and psychic medium Melinda Carver tells Bustle. Learn more about. They Share Passions Together. We have known each other for almost 50 years. You will feel more trusting and comfortable, and they will feel that they can embrace a friendship and nothing more due to your support and openness," she says. But if your guy is besties with his ex, thats a red flag. I know he truly does struggle with depression, but he has plenty of other close friends willing to let him move in. This "best friend" has a bad side too. Thanks, thats great advice, I should really take a long hard look at my marriage first. soooo with that being said, he could be playing all the cards to get you to look his way whether he's meaning to do this or not. It has caused issues in our relationship because he will drop anything and everything to be with his best friend if he so much as lets out a sigh. We continued to meet, and eventually, during our regular lunches we began to laugh and rediscover the friendship wed had many years before. Luckily, dealing with it is pretty straightforward. News File with Samson Lardy Anyenini - Facebook Dont get me wrong, my husband isnt all bad and he can be sporadically nice but my husband is a pretty inherently selfish person and weve had quite a few bumps along the way, mostly due to my husbands lying about things here and there. Im almost in tears over it. He comes over often, so I cant avoid him and I honestly dont want to avoid him, I look forward to spending time with him. What can I do to move past the anxiety? Well, that ranges from help meeting other eligible singles to easy random hookups. Sometimes I stupidly hope/wonder if he feels the same way about me, hes never acted inappropriately towards me, although like I said I would never act on it. Magazines, Why Would a Long-Term Couple Like Bill and Melinda Gates Get Divorced? Like I said, he is primarily self centered and thinks of himself first, stretches the budget to buy himself nice things and racks up debt on credit cards in my name so were drowning in interest and me and the kids are scraping by while he has the nicest gadgets, clothes, etc. Guardian Druid Easy Mode, Articles M