While you may not feel immediately comfortable to give presentations in front of hundreds, complimenting a stranger can help you practice breaking the ice and can serve as a gateway to feeling more comfortable when speaking to strangers. The next time you find yourself trying to positively affirm your way out of that bad mood and the best you can do is mumble a near-profanity through clenched teeth, take a look around and pay a compliment to the first person you see. "Compliments are the easiest way to make other people and, as a result, ourselves feel better," says professor Nicholas Epley (Credit: Getty Images). Instead of being pulled down into a constant cycle of negativity, try complimenting a stranger to keep yourself feeling positive. It keeps us from letting in the kind words and gratitude of others. Of course, its easier said than done, and making new connections outside of your comfort zone can feel overwhelming, no matter how small or temporary they may be. The surveys showed that compliment-givers underestimated how good their compliments would make people feel. Someone noticed me! I don't want to be a mockery of a feminist because I don't understand what seems so basic to other girls around me. That warm and fuzzy feeling you get from making someone else feel good will help create a buffer to a negative mindset throughout the day. They assumed that their acquaintance would be less pleased, and feel more awkward, than they actually felt when receiving the compliment. But dont expect to be complimented. Did your family have any unspoken rules around praise and acknowledgment when you were growing up? Even after a decade of training people on how to give and receive recognition, I still make a conscious effort to not deflect others praise. So, when someone congratulates you on a great presentation that you think you bombed, it can feel jarring. Yes, Here Are 6 Ideas Dating These 6 Compliments Will Probably Make A Girl's Day A little genuine kindness goes a long way. Authentic Compliments for Any Person | Grammarly They just felt great, every day, says Epley. To me, it's because this person knows nothing about you but has judged you positively and forms a surreal, strong opinion of you and feels compelled enough to compliment you in that short amount of time they've been aware of your presence. Posted September 14, 2021 You know how when you are walking and a stranger is walking opposite to you it is usually just a glance and then they look away? Tasking yourself with genuinely complimenting a stranger every day will make it easier for you to speak to those you don't know. Constantly keeping your brain thinking about positive things can help change your mindset over time, keeping you happier and healthier. 6) When someone catches you off guard with a compliment now, what are your most common responses? or a strangercan make them feel uncomfortable or even . Or is this just me, and there a something wrong with me in particular? With repeated practice, you'll find it easier to switch on the positive mindset and keep yourself happy. A customer came into a store in ND years ago and there was something about his energy, appearance something, a Very strong connection or familiarity that stuck with me. One 2nd grade girl calls me "Teacher Beautiful." My friends do when I see them on the weekends. These factors, although occurring in your mind, can affect how well your body operates. Compliments That Are Actually Insults | Reader's Digest And I'm ashamed because I don't get it. All rights reserved. People give compliments because they want to, especially with strangers not for some strange ulterior motive. How do you guys feel about complimenting strangers? Much of my work involves slowing down these conditioned responses so that we can begin to let ourselves feel gratitude. As I kept giving compliments during the week, I learned what it means to give a real, genuine compliment that can help improve the recipients day. Her Campus may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. It sounds a lot easier than it is in the midst of trying to outrun a dark cloud thats been chasing you all day, but Im willing to bet that if you stop running long enough to let someone know you like their shoes or their smile or even their left earlobe, both of your worlds will be transformed almost instantly. This effect is similar to receiving money or a gift. Thats why I endeavored to find out how to make this transition easier and maybe the easiest method is to turn these strangers into potential friends. This means you can potentially improve someone's day and yours with an act that takes a matter of seconds, whether at the coffee shop or on the street. !" They found compliment-givers drastically overestimated how bothered, uncomfortable, and annoyed the receiver would feel, and this likely prevents people from giving more compliments. Respects boundaries. I made this throw away because I don't want people who know my real account to look down on me for this. The fear is that if I allow myself to let in a compliment, and feel good about it, and end up disappointing others or myself in the future, I risk taking a bigger bite out of my self-esteem.. 1) He's being spontaneous. I just don't get why I can't enjoy a man telling me I'm pretty just because I don't know him or didn't start the conversation first. Compliment . All rights reserved. The Psychology of Insults | Psychology Today If you're constantly on the lookout for giving praise, you'll need to think quickly on your feet to formulate the best way to deliver your message. To put it simply, you're just making the world a happier and . Three-quarters of friends with benefits either dissolve or change form in the span of one year. (Stage 2: Find.) By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. Why do strangers keep looking at me more than just the normal - Reddit However, it can also do wonders for your own well-being. Archived post. Theyre so easy to understand, she adds. How do you guys feel about complimenting strangers? It could be many reasons but its probably just they think you look good and don't mean to stare. If a stranger is looking directly at your face, a reason that they may be doing so is sadly because they are judging you. Instead, think of it as an opportunity to connect with someone else, or learn how others experience you or your work. It is only relatively recently that psychologists have paid much attention to our compliments, with the majority of early research examining their persuasive potential. How to Compliment a Stranger (Without Being Awkward) Imagine you're walking down the street and see an absolute eye-catcher. College students are facing this problem in a unique way as universities shift back to on-campus operations well be living, dining, studying, and partying with hundreds of people weve never met, or only know through a screen. What do you do? 17 7 comments havalily 4 yr. ago Same, I had this today. Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist Having to process information about a stranger to develop a compliment can help you learn how to react at a moment's notice. The take-home message: Why not be generous in doling out compliments? In the words of psychologist and authorGuy Winch:People with low self-esteem are often uncomfortable receiving compliments but not everyone who is uncomfortable receiving compliments necessarily has low self-esteem.. Why Do People Stare At Me? (9 Bizarre Reasons) - Her Norm Do you explain why what you did was not that good? If a stranger in Market Basket says I'm beautiful, it makes my day. HBR Staff/Klaus Vedfelt/Galaxy/Getty Images. Being present is a great exercise to ground your body in real-time, forgetting about the future or the past. Having recently diagnosed with depression, I have a major episode once a week where I cry for absolute no reason whatsoever. The better you feel internally, the less likely you are to get physical symptoms in the future. Backhanded compliments. This sub does not support Reddit's abrupt and poorly handled API changes, nor their strong-arm tactics in forcing subs to re-open following the protest which included over 5000 subreddits that went dark. 1. Does this mean they were feeling bad for me because I'm weird or something. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Boothby, E., and Bohns, V. (2020). Surprises often bring joy or excitement, and for some people, even emotionally pleasant news can be cognitively intense. The Importance of Time Management: 6 Ways It Matters, Poor Sleep Quality Comes from All the Things You Do Since Morning, 12 Time Wasters That Suck Your Productivity While You Work, How to Live a Full Life (Without Compromising on What Truly Matters), Achieving Goals: The Ultimate Guide to Goal Achieving & Goal Setting in 2022, What Is Motivation And How To Get Motivated (Your Ultimate Guide), How to Increase Mental Focus and Stay Sharp, How To Get Fit If You Have a Busy Schedule, What Is Motivation And How To Get Motivated, What Is Procrastination And How To Stop It, Achieving Goals: The Ultimate Guide to Goal Achieving in 2023. A well-timed witty comment among friends is good humor. Dysfunctional family dynamics do not discriminate among socioeconomic status. When the first 2 strangers said it i was flattered but then it was coming from to many different people. I hate that the bad stuff is what sticks. Rianna Lim is a journalism and political science double major at Carleton University in Ottawa, Ontario. How to Get Rid of Distracting Thoughts Fast, People Make Time For What They Want And You Should Too, How to Say No Nicely Over Text (Examples For Different Scenarios), How to Focus With ADHD: 7 Practical Strategies, How to Snap Out of Procrastination With ADHD. Do Girls Like Compliments? Yes, Here Are 6 Ideas - Elite Daily And like we just saw in Reason #3, when someone notices you, youll feel special even if its just for a moment. Its never okay to comment on someones body type, for instance, because you dont know what they may be experiencing regarding their physical and mental health, even if you think your comment is positive. This might not always go over well either though. You just met The One or maybe a shady character. Occasionally a random guy. 1 More posts from the NoStupidQuestions community She told me how a pimp then locked her with another girl in an abandoned house, and she had a new job: having sex with strangers against her will. To check their preconceptions, the participants first had to estimate how pleased, flattered or awkward the person would feel to receive the praise. The easiest way to spread kindness is through compliments. To avoid unintentionally giving someone a backhanded compliment, you can always choose to compliment people on things other than their appearance, such as their friendliness or sense of humor. The more natural your praise sounds, the better you'll feel. I've had men come up and high five me because my style is "rad" but I'm supposed to not like these things? It's one thing to compliment a friend or loved one, but speaking to a stranger is more challenging. The Harvard Business Review studied people who received praise every day for a week to determine how constantly receiving compliments would affect their mood. Confidence combined with presenting a well put together 'look' is often perceived as "pretty". The latest paper on this topic was published earlier this year in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Someone noticed me! If you are hoping to apply this research yourself, Bohns emphasises the importance of context. And smiling often leads to laughing, and laughing burns even more calories. My feeling is, that I am not alone feeling this way which is why many also are against random street compliments in general. She was 13. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. 1) In your culture or faith, what were you taught was the appropriate way to respond to praise? Many of us have moments where we notice and appreciate something about another personperhaps we like what they are wearing, or we were really impressed by their presentationbut we keep our appreciation to ourselves, rather than sharing it, Bohn said. 6 Reasons Complimenting Strangers Is Good For Your Well-Being If your designated stranger has a great sense of style to you, coming up with a proper delivery is key to making sure they feel seen in the right ways. Often, it is hard to reconcile others positive views of us with our own negative views of ourselves. This increased mood lifter carries you throughout your day, helping you see things in a more positive light. or misexpected (Thats not what I thought was going to happen). An unexpected situation whether it is a pleasant compliment you werent prepared to receive or a bear you encounter while walking in the woods triggers the same prehistoric sequences in our modern brains. Reviewed by Abigail Fagan, Imagine that youre sitting in a coffee shop enjoying your drink and reading the paper when someone taps you on the shoulder. Oftentimes, hearing a compliment from a stranger can feel more genuine than hearing it from someone you know. It's a no-brainer that getting a compliment increases your mood and instantly makes you feel happier just one way to start your day in a good mood. Complimenting strangers is the way to go. When I was in line at the grocery store, for example, I noticed that the cashier had a really pretty lemon-patterned headband. How you go about complimenting them though does have boundaries that should be acknowledged. A) You make a joke: Ha ha, sometimes I get the job done., B) You play compliment ping-pong: No, no, this was all you! An unattuned mother . Just as any other behavior change, learning to take a compliment well starts with self-awareness a process you started by reading this article. Procrastination And Laziness: Their Differences & Connections, Bedtime Procrastination: Why You Do It And How To Break It, 15 Books on Procrastination To Help You Start Taking Action, How to Achieve Your Goal Effectively (Step-by-Step Guide), How to Overcome Complacency in the Workplace, How to Commit to Your Passion Projects When Youre Busy, How to Cope With Anxiety-Induced Procrastination, How to Break the Perfectionism-Procrastination Loop, Work Life Balance for Women: What It Means & How to Find It, 6 Essential Mindsets For Continuous Career Growth, How to Discover Your Next Career Move Amid the Great Resignation, The Key to Creating a Vibrant (And Magical Life) by Lee Cockerell, 9 Tips on How To Disconnect From Work And Stay Present. Grants most recent study shows that this comes from a sense of reciprocity. Many of us cant take a compliment, and our responses are often as awkward as the examples above. Honor their sentiment even if you dont fully agree with it. However, pushing yourself to speak to someone new not only helps your confidence but improves your ability to socialize. Compliment-givers also worried about their ability to effectively give a compliment. So, instead of keeping that to myself, I let them know that I thought their headband looked awesome. Youll be happier, your co-workers will be happier and pretty soon the whole office building is happy. Clearly it is not appropriate to compliment someones appearance if there is ever any risk that you might be objectifying them. According to Luna and Renninger, this is confirmation bias: a tendency to seek information that confirms our views and ignore views that challenge them. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. This is called the surprise sequence, and it has four stages. And yet again we have things going and coming around. The American Medical Association voted to move away from using BMI to measure weight and health. But the need for making the days a little brighter for others has only become more clear as we navigate these challenges together. You can start by saying a simple thank you.. How do we connect with strangers when were used to being alone inside all the time? I didnt say anything but as I was walking out, I did stop by the counter and told him that he has really beautiful eyes. If receiving a compliment makes you uncomfortable, you arent alone. I ask my friends and they say there is nothing u usual about my outfit or my face. What's the Best Way to React to an Insult? | Psychology Today (2012). New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Each one of us walking this planet has the desire to be acknowledged. . Even though it might be tough to get back into social interactions with masks and physical distancing, with persistent effort, a goal of spreading positivity, and even a little science on your side, I learned that complimenting strangers doesnt have to be so strange at all. The people who complimented me were older people, my guess is they have life experience and could tell i was sad and an outcast so thats why they decided to try and uplift me. The next time someone compliments you, try saying this:Wow, that was such a different perspective. Over time the anxiety will wear off and you will begin relating to compliments as nice, non-threatening surprises. Another benefit of complimenting others is its potential benefits on your cognitive health. Read about our approach to external linking. Something as small as being kind to a stranger can help you physically feel good and build up your defense against stress and its physical symptoms. by Courtney Brunson Feb. 17, 2016 Mireya Acierto/DigitalVision/Getty. Reddit, Inc. 2023. While it may initially feel like a stretch, complimenting someone can benefit your physical health. 100 Positivity-Boosting Compliments - Verywell Mind Here's my easy 3-step approach: Make . New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast.
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